


You're Not Around

by tylerandburnham



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylerandburnham/pseuds/tylerandburnham
Summary: Set after Discovery season 2 finale after they jump 930 years into the future. Michael decides to find out what happened to her family and Ash Tyler in the past.
Relationships: Michael Burnham/Ash Tyler | Voq
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	You're Not Around

You’re Not Around

“Crashing, hit a wall  
Right now I need a miracle  
Hurry up now, I need a miracle  
Stranded, reaching out  
I call your name but you're not around  
I say your name but you're not around”  
The Chainsmokers - Don’t Let Me Down

Michael wept for them all. The hot tears rolled down her face as she curled up on her bed on Discovery and wept. 

After jumping 930 years into the future, of course none of the Discovery crew believed that any of their loved ones left behind were still alive. They had followed Michael believing full well that this was a one way ticket and they wouldn’t be rejoining their own timeline. When they had made a connection with the remnants of the Federation, their link up had uploaded the history of the past years. 

And there was the question, should the crew look at the historical records to see if they contain news of their loved ones? They could not affect or alter the timeline. In many ways, the Discovery leaving the timeline had already altered the past. So Captain Saru left it to each individual to decide.

Michael had put off thinking about the choice, about the knowledge possibly waiting for her. Logically, all her loved ones from the past were deceased. Would knowing their fates be worse then never knowing at all? Knowing wouldn’t bring anyone back to her or her to them. And yet she longed for some connection to her past. To her mother, her father, her brother...and Ash.

So when she had a few moments, when she knew Tilly would be in engineering on duty, she pulled up the records, telling herself that they might be incomplete due to time or the war. There might be nothing to see or to learn. But there was…

The sound of the turbo doors opened and Tilly strode in chatting away happily. “Hey, Michael, i just got off. Would you like to go get dinner at the mess hall? Michael, are you okay?!”

Tilly rushed over and sat on Michael’s bed with her. She scooped her friend up so they were sitting side by side, “Michael, what…?” It was then she saw the display in front of them showing her pictures of male vulcans and humans, a human female.... Tilly quickly deduced what was going on. Full of compassion she quietly said, “Oh, Michael. I’m so, so sorry.”

Michael took a deep breath and got out, “I knew they were going to have died but look!” 

Tilly tried to keep up as Michael pulled information up from the pad to show her the images and information at eye level. Tilly saw the deaths of Michael’s family. 

Quietly, but anguished, Michael spoke with each image she pulled up.

An image of Amanda Grayson, aged by time. “My mother died from natural causes. Vulcans have a longer lifespan than humans. She died long before my father”

An image of an older Vulcan male with a human woman Tilly definitely didn’t recognize. “My father, Sarek, remarried after the death of my mother to a human woman named Perrin. She survived him. He died of Bendii Syndrome! Do you know what Bendii Syndrome is?”

Tilly shook her head.

“It’s an incurable and terminal neurological degenerative illness that causes vulcans to lose control of their emotions. To lose control of his emotions would have been devastating for him! I wasn’t there to help him!”

An image of another older Vulcan male was pulled up by Michael. “My brother, Spock, eventually became an ambassador and promised the Romulans he would save their planet with vulcan technology. Their planet was going to be destroyed by a supernova. His ship got swept into a blackhole and he was never heard from again! Romulus was destroyed by the supernova and all those lives were lost.”

Burnham pulled up another image of a male Vulcan that displayed the name “Sybok” under the image. “And my other brother, Sybok, decided that he had found Sha Ka Re, what some humans call heaven.”

“Wait, you have another brother?”

This distracted Michael temporarily. “Older foster brother. Half-brother to Spock. Sybok is, was, the son of Sarek and a priestess. He rejected logic and embraced emotions.He left our home to find like-minded individuals” Her voice suddenly was tinged with anger. “Sybok stole the Enterprise while Spock was serving on it and took the crew to the planet Nimbus III. When they got there, instead of finding the creator, they found a malevolent entity who not only attempted to take over the Enterprise but also the universe.”

Then another picture appeared. A man in a wheelchair, face mutilated.

Tilly involuntarily gasped, Then slight recognition. “Wait, that’s not Captain Pike…”

Michael’s voice was flat as if she had been turned numb by all these events. “Yes. that’s Captain Pike. His accidental exposure on a training vessel to delta ray radiation left him paralyzed and unable to speak.”

“And Tyler…” A picture of Ash Tyler appeared. Older, gray haired and gray beard. Lines on his face. Serious expression. Tired eyes. Obviously an official file photo. Underneath the photo was written. “Ash Tyler, Director, Head of Section 31.” And underneath that, “Status: Missing and presumed deceased in 2291 after attempted peacekeeping mission to Kronos. File: Classified.”

Michael slumped on her bed and her head dropping down. “I could have been there for them, Tilly. I said goodbye and then I walked away.”

Tilly didn’t say anything although Michael could feel her rubbing her back consolingly.

After a few moments, Tilly said excitedly, “But look at all this Michael!”

Michael looked up and could see Tilly had been busy scrolling through the records. Her face started to beam. “I know this is awful news about their deaths, of course it is, but look at their lives!” 

Tilly started to pull up new images in front of them. There were several pictures over the years of Amanda, Sarek, and Spock together. Amanda beamed in all of them. While Sarek and Spock did not smile, of course they didn’t, but Michael could detect pleasure and contentment in their eyes. “You’re family came together!” Tilly pulled up information on awards Amanda had won and then an image of Amanda’s burial stone. “Amanda Grayson, Beloved Wife of Sarek, Mother of Spock & Michael Burnham. Always in our hearts.”

“And your father….,” began Tilly as she pulled up pictures and information of Sarek. :”Look at all he accomplished as ambassador. And he may have died of Bendii Syndrome, but it looks like his last important diplomatic mission was to establish trade relations between the Federation and the Legarans. To accomplish this mission he apparently did a mind meld with the captain of the Enterprise D, wow they made it all the way to D, named...Jean-Luc Picard. Apparently he temporarily passed his deep emotions to Captain Picard and successfully finished the negotiations.”

Tilly pulled up a picture of Captain Jean-Luc Picard. “In his personal log he stated about how much Sarek regretted not being able to show his love for several people including Amanda, Spock, and you, Michael. You.” 

Tears began to fill Michael’s eyes but her sorrow began to mix with joy and hope. Tilly squeezed Michael in a side hug. “They never forgot about you. They never stopped loving you.”

Next she pulled up images of Spock. Pictures of Spock with a smiling Captain Pike and the Enterprise crew. Spock looked so young without his beard! Her little brother. And then another crew of the Enterprise, with Spock as its first officer. The captain is identified as Captain James T. Kirk. All smiling all so young. And still official pictures of that same smiling crew as they got older and uniforms changed. Some photos of Captain Kirk, Spock, and another man identified as Doctor Leonard H. McCoy. There was a few of them that looked like they were camping. Michael looked into the image of her brother’s eyes and knew he was happy. He had taken her advice and reached out to those who must have seemed so far outside of all he knew. Peaceful, that was it, He looked like he had made peace with his Vulcan and human sides and found his place in the world.

Excitement could be heard clearly in Tilly’s voice. “And look at all his awards! First officer and science officer to captain!” Her brow furrowed, “It looks like he took a demotion to first officer when Captain Kirk took a demotion from admiral to captain. They must have been great friends for him to do that!”

Michael nodded smiling. “They must be…”

“Wait! Wait! There’s more!” Tilly excitement changed to confusion and then solemnly turned to Michael, “I’m not even sure how to explain this but it looks like at some point Spock died saving the Enterprise and its crew.”

Tilly pulled up a video.

Spock was behind a radiation door, clearly in pain and dying. Captain Kirk in anguish on the other side. Spock’s voice filled the cabin. “The ship? Out of danger?” As the video ran tears started streaming down both Michael’s and Tilly’s faces.

Spock: The needs of the many outweigh..

Captain Kik: ...the needs of the few..

Spock: Or the one….

Spock: I have been, and always shall be, your friend.Live long and prosper.

Captain Kirk mirrored Spock’s vulcan greeting as he slumped and died. 

Captain Kirk: No….

And Tilly pulled up the video of Spock's funeral. Captain Kirk’s voice said, “Of my friend I can only say this. Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most...human.” 

As the mournful sound of bagpipes came on, Michael whispered, “He was so loved.” 

Tilly nodded. “He was. But the dates don’t make sense. They say he disappeared much later trying to save the Romulans. Oh, wait! I think I’ve got it! I have no idea how this is possible but it looks like Spock’s body, when was torpedoed out of the Enterprise, landed on some type of Genesis planet. It regenerated him. Wow! Can you imagine?! It rapidly aged him to about his current age at the time. It looks like a Klingon, a Commander Krudge, tried to take control of the planet. Spock nearly died, but Captain Kirk and their crew stole the Enterprise against orders to rescue Spock! I don’t understand how they got him back to the way he was. Before Spock died he has put his katra into Dr. McCoy and the Vulcans were able to get it out of Dr. McCoy back into Spock?”

Michael just nodded in understanding at what was incomprehensible to Tilly. “When death is near vulcans typically do a mind meld to pass along their memories, their spirit, what they call a katra, for safekeeping during a mind meld. But to put a katra back in a body? They call it fal-tor-pan. That hasn’t been done in ages past, more legend than anything else. That is amazing.” 

“Well,” said Tilly smiling, “he is your brother so I’d only expect amazing things.”

Michael smiled but shook her head.

“But this is amazing, Michael! Spock’s shipmates risked their lives and their careers to save Spock. And,” Tilly’s voice went soft, “Oh,no. Captain Kirk lost his only son, David. David saved Spock and another Vulcan from the klingons.”

“To lose his son…”

Before Michel could go too much down that rabbit hole, Tilly quickly said, “And look, your brother, Sybok, even though he did all those things, at the end he fought the creature himself. He died giving Spock and the Enterprise crew time to escape and figure out a way to destroy the creature before it took over controlling the galaxy!”

“You’re family is certainly one for saving the galaxy and their loved ones! Am I, right?” quipped Tilly and lightly pushing her shoulder into Michael’s.

Michael rolled her eyes but with humor, “Tilly!”

“No, I’m serious! I mean look at this.” Tilly pulled up the information and picture of Captain Pike in his mobility chair. It was a sobering picture in contrast to the mental image they both had of their good, former captain who brimmed with life and good humor. “What you didn’t read is that Captain Pike sustained his injuries because he saved several cadets on a training mission. Spock later took Captain Pike to Talos IV where...he was never heard from again.” Tilly’s brow furrowed while trying to dig up more information. “I’m sure Spock had a reason. There’s nothing on Talos IV and it is forbidden to go there…”

“I know!” said Michael. “I went there with Spock! It’s a forbidden planet but Spock took me there because he knew they could heal him. I met...a woman named Vina… She was a survivor of a shipwreck on the planet. Her body was wrecked, but the Taloisans gave her a projection of her original self. She could function like she hadn’t been injured. She knew Spock. Had met that Enterprise crew before. She was fond of Captain Pike...and I think him of her too. Spock must have taken him there to live with Vina, to live as she did.”

“Awww….that is so romantic!” gushed Tilly.

Even Michael found herself smiling at the illogical but very human act of friendship by her brother. After a few moments her thoughts shifted.

Tilly could see the change Michael’s facial expression and deduced it right away. “And then there’s Tyler.” She pulled back up the picture of Ash Tyler. “His file is classified. But...it looks like it did leave some sort of last will and testament.”

Surprise and confusion clouded Michael’s face and thoughts. “What?”

“It’s odd because it doesn’t say who it is intended for. And it looks like it needs some kind of password or phrase or code. It might be tied to vocal recognition.”

Both Burnham and Tilly pondered for a few moments. Finally, Michael ventured, “Isk for your thoughts.”

A female computerized voice said: “Voice recognition and passphrase verified.”

An image of Ash Tyler appeared before them. Tilly began to get up to leave but Michael, seeing the movement out of the corner of her eye, quickly clamped a hand on her arm. Tilly settled back down. She realized Michael didn’t know if she could hear what he had to say to her. Michael didn’t want to be alone.

It was the older, tired version of Ash they had seen earlier who appeared to them. 

“Michael.” Ash smiled and his smile lit his eyes. But even across all these years Michael could tell it was a strained smile. It was a smile meant for her. A smile meant to reassure her that he was okay, that he had been okay without her. It was a lie and it was like a stab to her heart. For her it had not been so long that they had parted. For him, it was a lifetime. She loved him. She had never stopped loving him.

Tyler’s face turned serious. “I apologize for all the cloak and dagger. To protect you and the Discovery crew Captain Pike, your brother, and myself recommended that Starfleet classify Discovery's mission and to never speak about the ship or it’s crew...or you again. We thought to protect you all from anyone who would seek knowledge about your mission to try and use time travel to undo what you have done or harm any of you.” Tyler pursed his lips for a moment. “I hope you are okay, Michael. I hope you are happy.”

Shaking his head, Tyyler continued, “There’s so much to say...I don’t know where to begin. Can you believe they made me Director of Section 31? I took it because knew it was my best chance to make real changes to keep you safe. So far nothing like Leland has ever happened again, not on my watch. I still believe in their mission to keep the Federation safe. And that’s what I’ve tried to do. And I’ve tried to keep an eye out for your family. Help them if I could. They are only a handful of people I could talk to about you….” 

Tyler’s voice took on a regretful note. “I know you never really approved of my choice in joining Section 31. I was a misfit looking for a place to belong, a place to do some good in this universe. You worried about my compass and direction, but you have always been my compass, Michael.”

Michael had a disorientating moment when couldn’t understand why Ash’s image suddenly became blurry. It was only when she felt Tilly rubbing her back that she realized she was crying. Michael swiped away some of the tears as they fell. 

“You are always in my thoughts when I plan courses of action. I’ve always tried to do what was right and balance our tactics on that as well. Like you I’m trying to make the universe a better place, to save it, to protect it. I’ve always tried to protect you and...I don’t know. Make you proud? Make you fall in love with me again? I was so lost after everything that happened. I didn’t know who I was anymore. We were both in pain and I didn’t want to hurt you anymore by staying on Discovery even if I was allowed to stay.”

“I tried being a Klingon, I tried being Voq. I thought maybe that’s who I really was. But….” Tyler shook his head, “I couldn’t be who L’Rell wanted me to be, not really. I have Voq’s memories but I couldn’t…” Ash looked up and it was as if he was looking directly into Michael’s eyes and soul. “But it was always you, Michael.”

Tears began filling Ash’s eyes. His gaze might have been steady, but his voice was not. “I regret not telling you that I loved you, Michael, when we last spoke. When we kissed and when I held you, I hope you knew, you felt, how much I loved you.” There was a pause. “ I’ve missed looking at your face.”

Taking a breath, Tyler continued, “I don’t ever want you to think that my not coming with you was an easy decision to make. But if I have kept you safe then it somehow makes this all worth it. Don’t think for a second I don’t regret being able to go with you, that I don't regret not being with you now.” Tyler rubbed his open palm over his face. “Do what you have to do, Michael. But if there’s a chance you can come back to me when you’ve done what you need to do, come back to me.”

*ping*

Tyler looked off screen. Michael and Tilly couldn’t see what he was looking at but then Tyler turned back to face them. “Michael, I have to go. I have a peacekeeping mission to attempt on Kronos, and, well, some Klingons won’t be happy to see I’m alive. It’s...a...long story. And duty calls.”

Michael could see Ash slipping back into the facial expression he must have mastered over the years. He must have become good at hiding his feelings. Being what everyone thought the Director of Section 31 should be. And part of her ached for that time, it seemed so long ago, that they both smiled and laughed easily. And talked. And loved.

“Before I go to Kronos, I just, I wanted to leave this message because I have a strange feeling…” Tyler’s eyes looked troubled and then he shook his head as if shaking the doubts away. “I don’t really have much to leave you, but in case I don’t make it back from this mission…. and somehow the caretakers of the house and trust make it through 930 years into the future.., I am leaving you my house on Lake Shasta.”

Michael was taken by surprise as she tried to to wipe away her tears and focus.

“I always wanted to take you there. I wanted us to go swimming and hiking, go out on the boat. I wanted to show you the stars at night and sit by the fire with you and roast marshmallows. Have you ever had one before? I bet you haven’t! You have got to have one! They are delicious.”

Tyler smiled and Michael couldn’t help but smile at the thought. If only they could have gone there together. Made a life together….

Tyler again went serious. “I would have loved to have taken you there myself, Michael. I know we’re both terrible with good-byes. Just...take care of yourself, Michael. Please. And know that…” Tyler smiled, “Hell, yeah, I love you. Always will.”

And in a blink the video of Tyler was gone. 

Michael rubbed at the tears falling down her face as her heart went round and round with so many emotions-awe, joy, sorrow, heartbreak, but above all love. The sound of a sob broke Michael out of her thoughts as she turned to see Tilly sobbing her eyes out. Michael quickly swept her up in a hug.

Tilly started to babble through her tears. “Michael! Oh, Michael! I knew… But I didn’t know...I didn’t know why he didn’t come. Well I suspected but I didn’t want to pry!” And then there was a lot said that Michael found unintelligible

Eventually Tilly’s crying became less and they both pulled out of the hug. Tilly put one hand on Michael’s arm and the others wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes.. “Well I can tell you one thing, Michael. I think I'm now going to go exclusively for spies now.”

And both Michael and Tilly started to laugh, hesitant at first and then it turned into deep laughter and smiles. Michael was so grateful to have Tilly here to share her sorrows and joys with. When the laughter died down Tilly looked at Michael seriously. “Just remember our loved ones are always with us. They never stop loving us. And we never stop loving them.”

Michael nodded smiling.


End file.
